A Ruby Anniversary

Forty years ago, on a beautiful October 26th afternoon, Don and I began our life together. It is hard to believe how the years have gone by so fast. I’ve been told that nowadays 40 years of marriage to one man is impressive. I guess so. I have not noticed much that it has been that long. We've just been busy with life doing things together, learning from each other, discovering things, and I want to think, getting a bit wiser each passing day. We have grown gradually together, but there have been growth spurts such as from times when we faced new adventures. On our second year of marriage, we began a missionary career in Indonesia. This was such a great time of learning, shortlived though it was. After one term of 3-1/2 years, we could not go back to the mission field for various reasons. When our babies came along, we found out much to our dismay that we were actually more self-centered and less giving of ourselves than we thought. (Those who have walked the floors at 1:00 am trying to quiet down a colicky baby who has cried for half an hour and still not shown any sign of falling off to sleep, understand this.)

I think it all started with a birthday gift. Don was the pastor of the little church I was attending. On my birthday one year he gave me a flowering Gloxinia and a copy of Amy Carmichael’s “If” with a little note saying, “I am giving you a book because they are an important part of my life, so I am sharing a part of myself.” Don didn’t know at the time that Amy Carmichael was one of my forever heroes (a first sign to me that we were kindred spirits.). As I got to know Don better I learned of his intense love for God in his characteristic quiet ways. I also found out that he had an insatiable thirst for knowledge and was a voracious reader.

At times young friends ask me about choosing future life partners. I usually tell them to evaluate a man apart from his job, accomplishments, the amount of money he makes and all the things that one acquires in his life journey, shedding these off to reveal the kind of person he really is. In life, there are no guarantees. Fortunes are lost, success is fleeting, careers change. Would one still stand by one’s choice if these happen?

I also believe that looking back at what attracted one to this particular person is helpful. I have found out that more often than not, the very qualities that we find attractive are the very same traits that become problems later on. I know of a couple who were attracted to each other by their good looks and fashionable ways. Once married, they found out how fastidious each other was with appearance. Soon they were constantly arguing about how much time, effort and money were spent by the other on these. I know of a man who married a woman who was very neat and organized. Once married this very same trait became a source of frustration on the husband who could not keep up with this near obsession for order. Many times our strengths are the flip sides of our weaknesses.

It didn’t take long for me to develop a frustration with Don’s reading habits. That which I so admired in him became annoying as I found out that when he had a new book, I could lose him to the book for at least three days. Besides, there were books everywhere on almost every surface available in our home. For several years, our bedroom felt like a library with bookshelves lining every wall.

 All in all, I can’t complain. It has been a wonderful ride with this man. Our mutual desire to honor God in our lives has blessed our marriage and has been the bond that has taken us through some very difficult times.  God has blessed us with wonderful children, children-in-law and five beautiful grandchildren and a lifetime that has produced such a beautiful tapestry of grace.

Oh, yes. Late last night, the mailman delivered Don’s 40th wedding anniversary present - a Kindle Fire with 600 books in it. Another thing to remember about marriage – we have to accept things that even the years cannot change!