LISTENING TO LAO TZU

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. Lao Tzu [1]

The traffic in our little home has vastly changed over the years. This little piece of San Francisco real estate has seen grammar school kids grow up to be “cool” college students and beyond. It has evolved from the scene of many sleepovers, church Bible studies, Sunday school teachers meetings, Christmas and thanksgiving family parties.  The Grand Central Station-like atmosphere with children and teenagers coming and going while devouring homebaked cookies or cinnamon rolls is gone. Kristy and Mat have grown and flown the nest a long time ago. Life has changed. Don and I have changed. We’re no longer in pastoral ministry. All of these are inevitable, we philosophize. We meet these changes with as much grace as God provides (and He provides plenty).

We are surrounded in our home by memories and ghosts of days past. They sometimes torture a parent’s heart. Some remind us of happy times which we wish were back. Other times we are made to

Photos, souvernirs, lace doily and a rocking chair. Reminders.

think of sad moments which we wish we never had. For the past several years now, I have been trying to unclutter our home of these reminders. I’m getting better at it, but not much better. Oh, yes, I have tossed out the handprints on school paper that preschool teachers make the kids take home for parents to put on refrigerator doors. I have kept them till Kristy had her second child and Mat got married. But coming across a box full of little shoes of two-year old Mat and five-year old Kristy sent me into a crying spell. That day both of them got calls from this mother. “What should I do with your old shoes from preschool and kindergarten days?” I asked in between sobs. (Can you imagine Kristy’s face as she answered me in the middle of homeschooling her children, Roc and Shekinah? Or Mat’s as he paused from his managing chores at Starbuck’s?)


These things trigger memories of our children’s youth and our parenting years. My clothes closet still

has Kristy’s Brownie uniform with the sash full of Girl Scout badges, her graduation dresses and the various gowns and costumes she has worn in the plays and dramas she had taken part in. Mat left us his German Shepherd when he decided to have his own place and was not allowed to have a dog in his apartment. Shadow, the German Shepherd, in turn, inherited Mat’s room and bed and in his own mind, everything else our son left in his room. Mat also passed on to us the care of his turtle, Kit (our gift to him when he was 4, which makes Kit 29 years old now) and a nine-year old goldfish. Mat named his turtle after the talking car in a tv program.

The changes continue. Before they got married, Mat gifted Helen a kitten named Hank, who is now a 20+ pound cat. We have now been Hank’s foster parents for two years. Hank gets awful jealous of Mat’s and Helen’s twin girls, so for their safety, we have Hank.  Shadow is no longer with us. After 16 years of life, he went to dog heaven, wherever that is. It would be great to see him again sometime. I’ve had issues with him, but all in all, he was really a loyal dog. Billy Graham says ”God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.” Mat was his main man, Don was a far second, while Kristy and me were just tolerated because we came with Mat and Don. Such a chauvinist of a dog! But he was a faithful protector and gatekeeper. More importantly, he unconditionally loved our son at a time when he so needed it. Many times we, his parents could not understand Mat's fascination with the Gothic ensemble he used to wear, the single earring on his eyebrow and the shaven head. But Shadow loved him just as much as he always did. We learned an important lesson from him. Indeed, the Shadow knew!

Now the grandchildren come and park themselves on our tired old couch as they play with their Ipads or is it Ipod?  I can never remember which is which. They play-type on the Royal typewriter I have on top of the 2-drawer oak filing cabinet. They can’t believe Grandma learned to type on that kind of machine. We keep ice-cream bars, fish sticks in the freezer and make French fries for them, and on a beautiful day, we can even take them to Golden Gate Park, so they can play where their parents used to play.

Ah, Lao Tzu, we hear you. We are listening. We are allowing things to flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. Such is the only way to save us the pain of leaving a part of us in the past.






[1] Retrieved from http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/laotzu151126.html#wOu7SzuEPrVDRKq4.99 March 28, 2013