THE MAKING OF A MOTHER

It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out! A door slammed. The maid screamed. . . ..[1]

No, it was not that way at all, the first time I earned my “mommy” title. But now that I’ve got your attention,

It was a beautiful, balmy sunrise on August 9, 1977 at 5:57 at the Brayat Minulya

One-year old Kristy w/Sukatmi

Hospital in Surakarta, Central Java, Indonesia, when beautiful 8 lbs. 12 oz. and 21-inch Kristy Inez made her entrance into this world and our lives. As she was put in my arms within minutes of birth, Don met her for the first time. My first words to Don were, “I guess you’re not getting your football player.” His answer was, “She smiled at me. She smiled at me.” And so it was 35 years ago!

Then on January 30, 1979, at 11:30 in the morning, we were blessed by the birth of

Almost one-year old Matthew

Matthew Steven, 7 lbs. 3 oz. and 20 inches, in the same hospital where Kristy was born.

Don and I had been married three years before I got pregnant. We had concerns if we would ever have children. We knew that age 35 was a bit late for a first baby.

My water broke on Sunday night, but it was not till the early morning of Tuesday when Kristy was born. As I was going through the labor pains, there were two medical Sisters on either side of me, holding my hands patiently. They took turns saying everything would be all right. Then one of them assured me, “It wouldn’t be that bad.” I wanted to say, “How do you know?” (Brayat Minulya was a Roman Catholic Hospital specializing in training Indonesian midwives. It was managed by medical missionary Sisters from the Netherlands.) Kristy was a big baby and I needed an episiotomy, then they had to put in the stitches afterwards. The labor was long. The birth, the episiotomy and the stitching were all done without the benefit of anesthesia. The good sisters believed in natural childbirth, very natural childbirth, if you ask me. This first birth was long, painful, and difficult, but nothing could compare with that ecstatic moment when I first saw my baby and held her in my arms. All the pain and hard labor were completely wiped out by that singular moment.

By the time Matthew came ready to be born, I felt like an old pro. I had just finished clearing the breakfast table at about 7:30 when I heard a lady friend knocking at the door. I let her in and we sat across each other at the dining table. She came to talk to me about my eyeglasses. During our conversation, I felt the onset of labor pains, and a couple of times I gasped. She looked at me and asked, “Are you having pains?” “I think I am,” I replied. She went running for Don at the other side of the house and I could hear her say, “Get her to the hospital. Quick.” And off we went in a “betchak” (manually driven pedicab). It must have been a little past 9:00 when we got to the hospital. Two and a half hours later, Matthew was born.

Some would say that birthing children makes one a mother. True. But every mother knows that is only the beginning to the process of being one. It takes a lifetime, and there is no resigning from it though some have tried. I think of birthing my children as my entry to the fellowship of mothers. Then I learn more and together with these precious children for whose growth and well-being I am now responsible, I, too, would grow.

I am very blessed to have both Kristy and Matthew. They have helped me learn so much about myself, the potential I have and how I can become a better person. Sometimes they mirror me and I may like or dislike what I see. Sometimes they tell me things like “Mom, what you said was really ethnocentric!” Sometimes they do things I never would have had the courage to attempt. More than anything else, they have made me spend more time in prayer, realizing that I definitely needed God's direction and wisdom in the parenting business. 

Kristy joined the Royal Servants when she was 15, raised funds to tour Europe for 6 weeks with this Christian youth group doing various ministry events. While still in high school, Matthew worked first as a busboy, then as host in one of the popular Mexican restaurants in the City, taking care of making deposits in the bank, among other things. I had also been told that he was the first one of his class to make a frightening high dive into the water while on a school trip to Hawaii. On graduation day, he affectionately ruffled the high school principal’s hair while being handed his diploma. Sometimes my children made me do things I would never have tried. In my early 40’s I donned ice skates for the first time, so I could be on the ice rink with them as they ice-skated for the first time. They made me realize that falling on the rink and getting embarrassed before a crowd of people was not a deathly experience as I had previously thought. For her wedding Kristy asked me to make her wedding dress. The only dress I had ever made was a simple one that was a project for my Home Economics class in high school. My sewing expertise was limited to sewing straight lines. I refused but she wouldn’t hear of it. This, she said, was my part in her wedding. And so I did this labor of love. A couple of nights before the wedding, her maid of honor saw her try on the dress. Jerusha exclaimed, “I cannot imagine you in any other wedding dress!” This had been one of my most daring attempts at anything.

They have given us joy. They have made us proud. But we have shared their pain,  hurts and disappointments also. We wished we could have saved them from these. Probably, we could have some, but we also knew that some life lessons are better learned from the school of hard knocks.

Now, Kristy is a mother, too, and Matthew, a father. We  believe they are doing well at it. We couldn't have asked for better in their choices of life partners.  We see their children being raised and we are in awe.  God has been good to us.

Mothers, on this your special day, I greet you. You belong to the fellowship of the selfless, ever-loving and ever-wise, and given the stewardship of the world’s greatest natural resource. “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” No matter how much the world has changed, it still rings true.

Note:  My apologies as I've had a difficult time putting the captions on the last two photos.  The first group photo is that of Matthew, Helen, Francine and Haley.  The lower photo is that of Kristy, Jon, Roc, Shekinah and R. Mateo,


[1] Charles M. Schulz, It Was a Dark and Stormy Night, Snoopy